Brett.

   

 I met Brett Fafard at the American Cancer Society all night Rally 4 days after his diagnosis. He was standing in the grass with two friends just watching the crowds. I believe I may have approach him asking why he was there; He replied with the widest smile that he had just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I remember thinking how young he look and yes he was young in age but, never in heart.
      I went to his sisters house to help shave his head for the first time before he started chemo. I never saw him shed a tear and he faced his battle with God in his heart and strength. He always was someone I looked up too.  Brett never complained about any treatment he ever did, and completely excepted his fate.
      He married a wonderful woman two months before his death. The strength and commitment that they shared was awe inspiring. You could see the loved they shared stream from every pore they had. They new that the fate of their relationship was grim but, couldn't even think of not sharing those last few months together as much as possible. Again, I looked up to Brett for having the strength to risk pain for himself and others. Again, Brett showed me what love was about.
     Brett was a wonderful man; who fought, loved, prayed, married, gave, and was a pillar of strength for many. I loved Brett. I will miss my wonderful friend. Rest in peace my friend.

Read Part of Brett Story Here http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/11/26/my-brother-has-two-months-to-live-why-he-got-married-last-wee/?a_dgi=aolshare_twitter

As a final wish he has asked people to make donations to Camp Kessem a camp for kids with a parent with cancer. Brett was heavily involved with Camp Kessem even before his cancer.   Donations may be made at any Wells Fargo, to the Brett Fafard Camp Kessem Memorial.



Hello to new wall and less wallpaper! Oh and some wiring.

   As I have recently confessed my house is in repair mode all over the place. It seems like every room I walk into has something going on that just needs a little more done to it. I have made it my job to get something done everyday. Luckily my wonderful parent had time to stop by today. My mother and I took a horrible ugly piece of wall paper down. (I hate being domestic by the way) My father and I tackled running 100 feet of wire through my attic to our bathroom re-model. Then my wonderful completely amazing handy father tapped my dry-wall.  All said and done that was my long ass day lots of re-modeling with lots of wonderful help.
    I am grateful for my amazing family who has stood by my side through life's choices good and bad. They are always in  my corner cheering me forward. Watching me grow and learn. They support me even when I fall short of what they believe I am capable of. I am lucky to have found a place in our relationship where we can share our lives as adults. I continue to have my horizons widened by their words and actions. It is strange how it takes years to realize how wise the older generation can truly be. 

Thanks Mom and Dad, I couldn't have gotten through the day without you.

house remodel

     We have been in house re-do mode for the last few months IE: taking down wall paper and putting up texture. Cleaning out closets, making new room, carpeting floors, painting kids rooms, trying to figure out why 3700sq ft feel so small. I can tell you why it feels so small... THREE KIDS and NO STORAGE. I feel like I move things from one place to another with out any real spot for anything. I am a little OCD so being un-organized is not a option for us here at the Jones-Obray household. I am completely out of whack when the house is in shambles.
  
   Currently we are cleaning out the basement storage room. It was once the home to recently passed Dexter the Jones family cat. Dexter had some health issue. Just think Sick cat+small room= bad smell/fiecee covered floor/massive amounts of cat hair. I attacked with lemon smelling bleach.
"The Power of Bleach" is really no joking matter. It may only be 20 degrees F outside but, I had the door open and was gasping for air as I was making the storage room usable again. Having this done will bring us one step closer to having some where to put all the thing piled in my now family room.

    Dakota switched schools this week to a all day Kindergarten program.  We are trying to catch her back up with the other six years.  She is not truly behind but, while having two other gifted children in the home makes her feel and seem behind. I know that it is wrong to hold her to the other children's talents but, she holds herself there. I do not want her to ever feel "behind the curve" . so this class should help her feel ahead again.  It hurts me inside to think that she feel stupid or behind or incapable. I cried when she told me she didn't believe she was smart enough to go to all day Kindergarten. WOW talk about a blow to my parenting. Now is time to build up Dakota and make her realize her own potential. Any Ideas?

New Year New Post.

This year I am committing to being more present. In search of ways to make myself more present I am going to:

1. Start blogging about the little things.
2. Breathe more!
3. Celebrate the moments.
4. Say Yes!
5. Make the time to share.
6. Glass is always full... See it that way.
7. Indulge
8. NO MORE TOMORROWS... Seize the day!
9. Be with the kids MORE!
10. Just make the moments count because they are going to pass any way you look at it. I don't want to miss moments like these. 

This year was met with many challenges. Everyday seemed to come with its own set of problems however;

I am starting to believe that most of this is how I view these things. Some days everything goes wrong but, I still feel good about life.  I know it is possible to find the positive side of anything. I believe that sometimes I take the easy road and just see the negatives. I believe that I have identified this problem numerous time this year and have yet to figure out a way to change my view on daily interactions.  So this year I propose a change of thought.

Check out these six steps and see if this will work for you.

One: Decide what you really want.



Decide what you really want, and then look at what is preventing you from having it NOW.



Look at each one of the thoughts that are preventing you from having it now, and ask yourself these questions about each thought:



Could I allow myself to welcome this thought?

Could I allow myself to accept this thought?

Could I allow myself to release this thought? To just let it go?



Then, when you’ve answered them, go on to these questions:



Could I release it? (This is different than *Could I ALLOW myself to release this thought.*) Would I release it? When?



It’s perfectly OK for no to be an answer. This is just to get your mind used to the idea of releasing thoughts that have kept you from accomplishing your goals.



Two: Get leverage.



Get leverage by associating extreme pain to NOT changing NOW, and extreme pleasure to the experience of changing NOW. Do a lot of visualizing here. If you need help, go to http://www.tameyourbrain.com/powerpicture.htm



Three: Release the pattern that is limiting you.



In order to release the pattern that is limiting you, you need to identify what that pattern is, then use the same technique in step one for releasing it. Also, you may find additional information here: Http://www.tameyourbrain.com/beliefpattern.htm



Four: Create a new, empowering alternative.



What can be a thought pattern that would empower you?



How about one of these: *I can do it!* *Yes!* *Power!*



Where you used to think the thoughts that limited you, now think an empowering thought. Cancel the old thought pattern. You can find the Cancel Technique at Http://www.tameyourbrain.com/brainmakeyouwinner.htm



Five: Condition the new pattern until it’s consistent.



Pretend you have a mandatory drill every day to condition the new thought pattern -- as many times as you can, but be consistent. If you do it 5 different times during the day, do it at those same times the next day. In the beginning, OVER emphasize your new, empowering habit. Totally focus on doing it louder, longer, cuter, faster, whatever, as this will help you remember to do it.



Six: Test it!



Does it work? If not, why not? If it doesn’t work, redo it. If it does work, share the process with those who can use it. Good luck.

So here are my NEW steps to making it stick this year! This is not a new years resolution it is just a simple life change to make Prozac less attractive in general because; the last four years Prozac has been looking pretty good.

I want to feel better about myself this year. I want to know myself better and be open to being just who I am. The last few years have been all about cancer: Where it is at, where it is moving, how am I feeling, blah blah blah. This year is about being alive. Feeling the wind on my skin. I have lost very close friends to cancer this year. I spent a year morning the loss of all of my fellow cancer patients. I never once stopped to really love life with them.  To realize that if I did die today what would my last experience be. I am living for a future. I am making plans to have a wonderful life filled with love, companionship, parenting, connections, and mistakes. I do not want to look back and know that I spent years worrying about dying instead of years worrying about living.

     This year is about being ME.. Not being Cancer, not being scared, not being a speaker. I made it past my expiration date. Now I am going to live like there never was one.



From Lunar to New Years!

So, I have had all these peices of blogs never posted because I ran out of time or I was just being plain out lazy. I am guessing lazy would really be the answer to this one. However here you go: Some pictures from all of the wonderful days that you guys have all missed.

Peace.

Finally alone. A new journey ahead.
When big changes start happening everything seem to fall like confetti from the ski.  I moved all the big stuff yesterday. The house kinda feels like a home except for not my home. I feel a little a stranger in the new place. I do not know where to put anything. I do not know where I belong here. I walked out of my home yesterday feeling a sense of joy and exitement about a new start; yet a  longing to stay where I am. Avoid all change and all possible pain. I already have enough pain right? I am setting myself up for more? I am in love with the idea that  I am able to move forward with Cancer being just a part of my life. Not my entire life surrounded by the rest of the world.

OMG WHERE DID THIS COME FROM

Okay so I stepped on the scale just three days ago before I took myself to the ER.. and lets just say my weight was as always normal.. Today it is EIGHT pounds more. WTF.. You have to be kidding me. I become a almost cow overnight. This is total shit.  I suddenly feel bloated cowish. Thank you long lasting period plus new kidneys medicine.. My body  is pissed and I look fat in my new sweater. THis is shit
 Okay enough