03/22/2012

Made it through my second surgery. 

Reconstruction feels like melons on my chest. 

I am terrified that they will be funny looking when the bandages come off. 

But then again they were funny before they went on.
I am still on pain killers so writing isn't easy. 

I will post again soon. 

Love you all.

03/17/2012

Happy St. Paddy's Day! It is a great one! I found out on Friday that I don't have ANY growing tumors! Can you believe it? I am sure you can't because I can't. I am going to say this is the power of Juice at work. Our amazing cancer killing juice + a whole lot of radiation. Lets not forget that and the smiles. Lots of smiles. Family, friends, love life and a lot of good/bad living. I am SO SO Surprised...

Guess what else? I know you can't> Breast reconstruction on Wednesday. I am almost a fixed gal. 

I may not be Cancer free or perfect but, I am one step closer to both. 

Happy Birthday to my wonderful mother in law... 

Julie. I love you. 

Thank you for all your help this week. 

He loves this stuff; just so you know.

 Isn't she cute? We had a little mommy daughter picture date at the park the day before my surgery. 

These are a couple un-edited snaps.

03/15/2012

It is raining here.

I am on the mend. Surgery went well and I will be back to blogging in no time.

03/12/2012

My uterus is having its last party.

I am VERY excited about it being the last one. 

Last night was spent on the heating pad again with legs up on the wall. 

More than anything I hate how painful this has become. If you're a women and have experienced the worst; you know not many pain killers touch the cramping. 

So I am going to have a total hysterectomy on Wednesday morning. Wish me luck.

The only thing that is working for the pain is knowing that this is the very last one I will ever have.

The thought of not having to go through this again is 

more relieving than knowing a box of

girl-scout cookies are on the way. 

However, I am feeling a little bit of loss with this surgery. 

I was surprised that I have been feeling sad about losing my uterus.
I have known for years that it was not going to be used again but, looking on facebook I have 

realized how many more years of being able to bear I child I would have had. 

Even if my uterus wasn't working I could still imagine that they  would one day fix

her and I would be able to have another child. 

I am not even saying that I would have had another 

but, I would have liked the option.

Who knows what is to come in the future. 

It could have gone a million little ways. 

One thing is for sure my pregnant belly days are officially over.

Deep down I am a little sad to be empty. 

I really need this done so I will find a way to make this a great thing. 

any ideas?

3/08/2012

Thoughts on Burningman.

If you have never been it is impossible to explain so I am not going to try.

I am feeling a little bit down about not going this year but, at the same time going out to experience a different event will be more than worth it.

Burningman changed the way I saw the world. It happen the moment I stepped out onto the playa. It was the moment that I understood that there was unconditional love without having to be related or even knowing a person. To have a random person  come up to you and tell you that you are amazing when they have never spoken to you gives you a sense of love that is beyond what I was used too.
I was amazed at how much people wanted to care. Once taken out of their comfort zones they wanted to explore, dress up, interact, create. People wanted to change the world at Burning man. To make it even better a lot of these people were changing the world.

I tell people every year that you can find whatever you are looking for there. If you are looking for "the spirit" you will find him every where. If you are looking for nudity you will go find it. If you are looking for art you will experience it. You can experience anything at the burn if you go looking for it.

For me the burn has never been about finding something. It has continued to be love. To have a renewed look on life and the people that I share this world with. It is about community and growing into a family when all you have is your self and what you bring to the table. It is about LOVE... Yes love. Feeling apart of a community just breeds love. The amount of hope that radiats from the ground is unbelievable.
 You are surrounded by 50,000 people who believe in the impossible. It is a family of hope, dreams, and the unexplainable. 

For me Burning Man created an idea that lead to a way of life. That continues to feed the core of my beliefs. At that core of beliefs lies the truth about me. I believe in love, family, art, self relaince and most of all to BE true to your self.

 I found myself out there on the playa on top of a temple in the middle of a sunrise.  Maybe I didn't literally find myself but, I knew in those moments who I no longer wanted to be and deep down who I was.  No longer did I want to be a selfish child who did a lot of things that never made me feel good about myself and no longer did I want to feel like I couldn't be someone better. Burning Man showed me that if a community could change so drastically year to year; so could I and at the end of the day I could forgive myself when things went wrong too.

I know that the world is upset at Burning Man right now but, remember this is the place that has taught many of us forgiveness and the belief that everything can be renewed and changed.

03/06/2012

 ONE GREAT DAY = a lot of fun out side and a lot of faces inside.

03/05/2012

     Storage that is what is on my mind today or maybe it is my lack of storage that is on my mind. Our house has a TON of space 3800sqft to be exact but, our useable storage space is VERY small. We have a few nice built ins but, this house needs ALOT more.

     We just don't seem to have set places for our things. It makes our house look cluttered and to tell you the least all I do is de-clutter. It is amazing how much goes into having a "clean" space. I know I need to do more de-cluttering but thereis such a large piece of me that just wants to to look like this.

From Ikea site

     
      The sad thing is our could totally look like this if I put some work into it. I love the bins. I crave having the bins. Seriously I wish I was organized enough to do this. Or even better had the money to hire someone too. I keep saying someday but, really when is someday going to be a reality? I am unsure.

      As for the home front today is cleaning day and maybe that is why I am focused on my lack of ability to put stuff away. I am working on the kitchen and main living area's today and catching up on my fly lady work. I will let you know how it goes.

Happy March friends.