New Year. New style. New Goals.

   
 Looking back on the last year it was nuts. I did a lot of good things and failed to do a lot of things that I wanted too. I am taking full responsibility for those goals that were never reached. I spent a lot time consumed in "social media distractions". I know that social media increases my business but it can become a little excess. I am sure all you other Blogger/facetimers/instagramer know what I am talking about. I consider 2013 a huge year of growth for me mentally/physically/spiritually. I think I entered 2013 with rose colored glasses on. I was married to a wonderful man, working for what I thought was a great company, had a group of great friends. I was looking forward to a successful year. What I found out was I was without goals and didn't have a real plan for success. That applied both personally and professionally. This year is full of opportunity to fine tune what I started in 2013. I started a lot in 2013 and this year is going to be about follow through.
    First off personally I want to continue on my fight for a healthier life. I want to get back to my mostly veggie life style and re-incorporate juicing! I fell off the healthy train somewhere in 2013. It all goes back to follow through and what I want for 2014. I to work limiting the amount of box food I place into my body. I need to work toward having clean eating habits in order to keep that cancer at bay.
    Building a stronger body and working on making working out a priority in my life. In 2013 I worked out a lot. I made a lot of strides towards my body and I want to keep up those habits. I want to work out 3 times a week every week this year. I would also like to incorporate some yoga into my workout plan to go along with the running and weightlifting.
    I have been working on meditating to deal with stress and I love it so I want to continue doing that. I would like to branch out and work towards my own spiritual beliefs. I have spent most of my life as just agnostic and I don't know if that will change. I want to spend some time every month working on me and my beliefs
    I want to get involved in a parenting class to help combat the ever changing life with kids. I also want to make it a goal to have Sean and I on the same page when it comes to rewards and discipline. I believe that us being on the same page is going to be vital to making this blended family function well. We are making it right now just because the kids are all doing well, but with the teenage years right in front of us it is time to work together on a solid parenting plan. It isn't that we don't agree it is just that we don't have a plan. It seems like with melding two families together it is an area that needs follow through.
    The big goals of 2014 are mostly professionally. This last year has been hard on me professionally and that is no one's fault but my own. I took a lot of risks this year and I believe they will pay off going into 2014, but not without a plan to handle growth. I want to make a solid income above my current cost. I would also like to see myself close 24 deals in the next 12 months. Doing that is going to mean a lot of work. I need to set work hours for myself and stick to them. Having the option to work when I want has made for a lot of wasted time or time running with my head cut off. So I am currently working on my business plan more on that later.

 
More than anything else I plan on being present in 2014. I believe that is the key to all of these things. So here is to seeing you all succeed in 2014

 

 
   
 
      

Grand Targhee!!

Sean and I had a blast in at Grand Targhee Resort in Wy. We snowboarded for four days straight. Even though we didn't have mass amounts of powder we did have massive amounts of fun. We pulled in just hours after the sky had dropped 12 inches of powder, but before we had time to make it on the hill it was completely tracked out. We took one run and couldn't find a groomer it was a little rough... You know calf burning rough. :)

We went to x-mass dinner at the lodge and had a great experience with their four course meal. I had the sturgeon and Sean had the steak. I had never had sturgeon before and I don't think that I will ever be my top choice but it was good. Thick like a steak, yet flaky like fish. It came with the cutest little dessert and also LOTS of wine.

We saw a local Boise band there called Stoneseed. They were different, I really enjoyed their sound. I was surprised that I live in Boise and had never heard of them.  The violinist was hard to watch due to her constant angry look on her face. If she hadn't been dancing I would have thought she hated her own music. I am excited to listen to the CD we got.

My snowboarding is getting a lot better. Every time I go out it gets a little  easier to trust that my body really does know how to do this. I think it is funny how much of snowboarding is a mental gain. When I learned to board it was easy, I was just naturally good at it. After a couple knee surgeries and a lot of cancer later I wasn't feeling very awesome on the hill.

Holiday Love

We celebrated x-mass  on winter Solstice. The year has gone by in a flash, and I am not sure where it has gone. It has been an amazing year without a lot a lot of speed bumps. I have been trying to compile a list of all the positives that happened this year and then I realized I am living those positives.

I am so thankful for my life. It has changed so much in the last few years. We have so much and my memory of having so little is so far in the back of my head. It just wasn't that long ago that putting gas in my car was difficult.  Somethings change in a blink of and eye.

Sean and I leave for Grand Targhee in the in morning for 5 days. I am really excited to get some time with Sean. To be able to board for a few days and not worry about all the things that are coming ahead this year. My snowboarding has so much better in the last year, I am looking forward to being able to keep up with Sean. Sean has not been able to board to his skill level over the last three years while I have caught up. Not saying that I am good rider yet, but I am keeping up. My turns are getting sharper and more fluid and I am having a lot of fun on the hill. I can't wait to have a good time out there and to be able to see Sean having the same good time.  Sean is going to go on a Cat ride and spend half the day snowboarding out in the thick of it. I don't feel like I am up to it yet this year, but I am super excited for Sean. He is going to love it.

my Heart.

It is the season of heart. It is where the world comes together and celebrates giving, loving, and being a family. A whole heart. Well.
   This last few months my heart has been acting up and not in the greatest way. I have been running a lot lately and when I run my heart rate is over 210 after about .25 a mile. I knew that something was wrong, but admitting that is hard. Understanding it is worse; the truth is my heart is struggling to keep up. I am on a EKG for the next few days trying to figure how bad it is.
    I have spent the last couple days under playing it to the best of my ability. truth is I can't it may be way worse than I want.

Little Bully's

   They seem to be every where and a lot younger than I remember them being when I was small. Those bully's seem to know how to cut you down and do it well. I am amazed at how quickly my amazing, strong, smart 3rd grade daughter becomes a weak, sad, unsure little girl.
    The bulling has been going on for a couple of years that means the "mean" girls started early 1st grade. The things have been said and done are not just little girl stuff they are straight up MEAN.  I have heard reading retard, your just not smart, I am so much cuter than you that I will most defiantly be picked before you, the only reason these people are friends with you is because I tell them to be. This is just what I have heard.
   Where is this coming from? How have we become people that teach our children to be diva's, princesses, brats? These are the idols are small children have. No wonder we have little girls that are worried about their figure at 7. These little girls believe that they can talk like adults, dress like them, and even worse that they are encouraged to act like them. Everything that we tell them, let them watch, and show them is pushing them more and more into this attitude that is getting worse. My girls don't want to be astronauts; they want to be the next big diva on Disney channel. Have you read Junie B Jones lately? She is horribly behaved and doesn't have any idea how to speak and she is a staple in every 5-8 year old library.
     I am starting to feel we are creating these "mean" girls by letting them believe they are diva, princess, above their elders. I know as a generation we wanted everything to be fair. I think we have pushed fair to a whole new level. I heard a child about six tell their mother in the grocery store "That she wasn't the boss and she would do what I say." Come on, really?
    I have no where to judge my children own all of these books. They watch the shows. I see the attitude yet I haven't put on my big mommy panties and said no more. Now I am dealing with bulling and it isn't just the child or even their parents; It is everything about what little girls are these days.  I am sad. It just seems like we are training them to look in the mirror and criticize and then expect everything because they are "perfect princesses". I know this is a rant but COME on.
Done thanks.
And then there were Halloween photos and such coming tomorrow when I am less angry.

Mid-life.

I think a lot of times all we talk about online is the nice cushy shit. Well life just isn't that cushy. Life is hard with many ups in downs. Our bodies, mind, relationships all change. 

I know a lot of people that get to the late twenties and early thirties that say they feel so amazing because they have finally found themselves. I am starting to believe we are in  a constant  state of change as your values, family status, career change. Just as you start to feel secure in what you are something changes whether it is a goal or a huge life change.

I am luckily in my late twenties and feeling like I have found myself and am on the right track. I feel confident that if I keep doing what I am doing that I WILL succeed. I will make it in Real Estate, as a manager, and hopefully as a owner of the next ten years. 

My husband on the other hand is in year 18 at the same company. He is in his early 40's and starting to go through another change. His goals are changing not to mention some of the goal he set when he was my age aren't completely finished or are completely of track. 

I won't go into to much detail cause it isn't mine to share, but the effects on our family are. It is hard to see him stress and anxious. It is hard not to take on shame that my husband is struggling. I have a hard time not taking on his stress and being stressed due to his stress. 

Anyway... anyone have some advice.

 

NOT mine but totally in love.

Stolen... From unknown source. But i LOVE IT

I want to love you.

I want to love you if you are male or female, young or old, single or married…

I would like us to share the couch together, rather than sitting so far away where we may as well be sitting on brick blocks seated four feet away. Lay your body atop mine. 

I want to show up to you and look into your eyes instead at your eyes. I want to feel your hand and be consumed by it until the rest of the world ceases to exist. I want to be in your presence and be in want of nothing.

I would like you to leave our time together feeling loved and free and full of your most vibrant and luscious hue ofyou-ness.

Please do not get confused: I do not want to have sex with you—whether you are male or female.

I have no sexual agenda, as you know, because we laugh at the freedom we feel to speak to strangers for reasons other than because we have to or because we’re hitting on them.

For me, sharing sex with someone requires a certain alignment, and I do not take that lightly. My sex requires that I can possibly foresee living with a person and combining all my stuff with all of their stuff (and I mean physical, emotional, cognitive and spiritual stuff—the stuff that just feels heavy if it’s not the right fit, but feels buoyant beyond imagination when it is). It is delicate, it is careful, it is not presumptuous or impulsive.

And I do not think that our connection is somehow weakened because we do not share our bodies with each other.

For love is love is love is love, and that is what I want.

I only want us to fall in love.

Now I realize that at some point, either you or I may change our minds and crave sexual expression with each other.

For I am human—as are you—and we have wants that change and grow.

But if that desire should spring upon one of us, I hope that we will talk about it, the way we talk about the universe, cultural tropes, the nature of depression, what makes a good cup of coffee, and how your day was yesterday.

I hope that that topic of conversation is no more avoided than talking about the latest episode of Doctor Who or how to effectively clean one’s mouth from Oreo breath.

I would like you to share yourself with me—every stitch of you—so that I may be warmed and nourished by your tapestry. And I would not like you to worry that some of your threading is inappropriate or uncomfortable to share with me, because I am only here to accept you exactly as you are and to take interest in the way you step through life.

So lay on me your doubts, your troubles, your faux pas, your suffering, your sadness. Lay on me your hopes, your dreams, your excitements, your curiosities, your guilty pleasures.

I want to see you how you see yourself.

And while you tell me all of this and more, I would like to rest my eyes upon your eyes, and take my hand upon your back, and laugh up to the ceiling as you divulge, because it is in these moments of pure exposure that I bask in the ever-so-specific you, and I become the ever-so-specific me, and even though you’ve never stepped into the tides of the pacific and I’ve never ridden a skateboard, I am more sure than I’ve ever been that we are the same.

I don’t care if I see you everyday or if I see you only just the one time when I happened to be in that coffee shop and you happened to be making my drink (which was delicious, by the way, and thank you for not rolling your eyes when I asked if your only non-dairy milk was soy)—I want to be your lover.

And I will have the lover whom I share a bed with, and it will be none the less—on the contrary, that love will be all the more—because I take on another million lovers.

So if you’re ready, let me see you and let me love you.

My insides, my arm, my couch, my laugh, my eyes, my toes are all for you.

I hope that is enough.