Friday, March 12, 2010

weeks of long.

This week has been a whirlwind of events. I went into the doctor last week to have the girls check up appointment and to have a small lump in my breast checked. PA Sherrwood said that it needed to be checked. He told me the diagnostic center would call me with in three days. Of course, it didn't happen like that. Of course nothing got done with it until today, I go in for a mammorgram and ultrasound on tuesday at eight am down town. I have spent the entire week thinking about what this would mean to me. I never think ahead I normally spend my time thinking about right now; trying to be present in this time. I know that thinking about what could be does nothing for me. Just creates more fear about something that I am not even sure about. I feel completely over taken by emotion. I hate the idea of losing my breast come on, I already cant reproduce isn't that bad enough and then to lose a breast that would just make me not even a woman. I know that no one would ever think that of me however, deep down I know that is how I would feel. I am hopefull only 2 out of 8 lumps are cancerous. That seems high to me but, apparently it isn't.
On a happier note, I went to the denist. My most feared space in the world mostly just because I know my teeth need a lot of work. Truth be known I have needed a couple root canals for a while. I didn't realize how many until tuesday, six. I need six root canals and seven fillings that is over half your mouth. FUCK CANCER... I was telling the doctor that I needed to get the work done before we were back in a cancer doctors office. It is too hard to do both things at once, not to mention dangerous. Medicaid doesnt cover dental well over the age of 21 and I knee this going in. I knew I was going to need a payment plan. Dr. Haws then asked me if I wanted veneers I kinda laughed and told him they were way to expensive. He finished looking at my teeth then offered to pay for all my tooth restoration and two veneers. He is doing almost 15 hours of work on my teeth for nothing. I cried for two days. he made my heart so happy.