Monday, August 22, 2011

New hair for burning man!! Also landed me in the paper for Tour de fat!

Thursday, August 11, 2011


The countdown is on: School starts in two weeks from yesterday. The burning man is in 18 days. Are we ready for any of the above? Nope; but it is getting there slowly. It seems that I am adding things to the list more than taking them off. If you have one note you can imagine how fast this can happen.
Mom and I finished the painting in the trailer. I have to tell you how cute it is. I love the electric blue and black along with the light gray.  So, excited that it came together so well considering our early concerns about water damage.  My cushions turned out amazing; I haven’t seen them in the trailer yet but, they are very pretty in my kitchen.
The kids seem to have orientations, sneak peaks, and lots of preparing to do. They are having us send in money instead of school supplies so they can buy “better” supplies for everyone. I LOVE this idea. I have always felt horrible about all the kids that couldn’t afford good supplies. Who came to school and weren’t equals right out of the gate. This is so much better. Everyone gets the same color and the same kind; I think it will take a lot of the stress out of school.
This time of year is CRAZY. Here. I will try and keep you up to date.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011



        I am sure you have noticed my slight vacancy around the blog-o-sphere this week but, I am back. I always said that life keeps moving and it does. The lawn still needs mowed my flowers still need watered, bills still need paid.
 Our mobile burning man unit is still in construction and we only have THREE WEEKS left until we are on the playa. It seems weird to be this close to the burn again. We are painting inside grey and electric blue on thursday. We just redid all of the cushions and I should have taking a before picture because, they were about as ugly seventies as you could get.  We have made leaps and bounds with her though. We cut a whole and put in an air conditioner in. We pulled out some wall pieces that had water damage and replaced them. Re-did all the window seals and put up new molding around all the windows.
It has been a family adventure meaning my parents have done 90% of the work and Sean and I are learning along the way. From putting on a hitch to fixing some old RV windows, they have been right there showing me the tricks. I am lucky that I have amazingly handy family.
I am not doing any more radiation until after the burn. Mostly, I just don’t want to cut my hair again before the burn. I want to put in fun yarn braids for the burn! Radiation is going well. The months they said I had left are hopefully becoming years. Every new advance in technology brings hope into my life.  Rebuilding my goals and finding new meaning is what life is about now. When you are counting down the days it is much easier not to have goals; just wishes. Now I need goals again. I need a reason, a course, a dream. So, moving forward is all that I can do and all I want to do.


Happiness- is a mental state of well-being characterized by positive emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.
 Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment.
   Inspiration- (countable and uncountable; plural inspirations)
1. The act of inspiring or breathing in.
3. (physiology) The drawing of air into the lungs, accomplished in mammals by elevation of the chest walls and flattening of the diaphragm.
4. The act or power of exercising an elevating or stimulating influence upon the intellect or emotions; the result of such influence which quickens or stimulates; as, the inspiration of occasion, of art, etc.
5. A supernatural divine influence on the prophets, apostles, or sacred writers, by which they were qualified to communicate moral or religious truth with authority; a supernatural influence which qualifies men to receive and communicate divine truth; also, the truth communicated.

Inspiration has more descriptions than love and happiness maybe because when you inspire you are happy and when you inspire you show love. I find myself seeking inspiration; trying to find out where to lead my life. Some look for God; some seek enlightenment all to be inspired, feel love, and be happy. Do I have to have religion? Do I have to have faith in the normal GOD?
Eat, pray, love said it best for me. “God lies with in me as me” All I can do is be me; be the best me that I can be, and forgive myself for everything I have done because no one can hold me back but, me.
I have known this for so long yet, it is hard to follow the truth. It is hard to let go of those thoughts that hold you back.
I think of all the experiences in my life that has made me who I am today. That shaped my life and left giant holes in my heart that bleed out and stop me from moving forward. I know I can do great things if I would let go of the doubt that causes me to stand back and watch others excel while I hide by the sidelines.
While I am at the burn this year I have promised myself that I will let go with the fire of the temple the big ones. The ones that I hide in my heart and hold me back from being great.
I will let Mikey go. I will stop holding him here. It was never him that needed to release me it has always been me that needed to release him from my pain.  I will send his songs back to him and let his soul rest. 8 years is too long to hold things here when they are so far gone.
I will forgive myself for not being the perfect wife while I was married. So, that I can move forward in my relationship with Mr. Jones who is the most wonderful man I know.   
I will embrace my cancer again and again because it is one thing I can’t let go off. Cancer doesn’t control my life; it gives me inspiration to believe in myself.