Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Thanksgiving in Montana
We were able to play games and have great conversation. 
It was wonderful. 
I have to admit that I love my extended family. 
They are amazing. 

Let the games begin!

They were SO good!

Sean's Mother (Julie) and I

The family: Casey (Sean's brother) Bob (Sean's Father) Me, Sean and Julie (Sean's mom)

Sean and Grandma Katie

The is much more to this story but, unfortunately our vacation was slightly over shadowed with Sean's best friend having to have brain surgery.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


Hamiliton Montana

         Sean and I are in Montana again for Thanksgiving! We drove up yesterday; it was wonderful and so quiet. As you can guess by this statement we are kidless this trip. We are a little sad about it however, we truly needed a break and some adult relaxation.
    Not sure if we are going to get that though. Just as we were unloading our bags Sean received a call saying his best friend was ill and in the ICU 10 hours away. Just as we think we are going to get a mental break… Bam here it is another brain fuck problem. It just hurts to see Sean all twisted up inside. Scot and Sean have been friends for 25 years. All of their teenage years and lived together as adult and are still close.

    Scot had a headache and went to get checked out and what they found surprised us all. He had an atary in his brain start bleeding. He was taken to the ICU and now is sedated waiting for surgery. Getting sick around a holiday is never a good idea. With doctors out of town and the best staff off it is a scary time to become ill. I hope that they can find the best care possible to help our friend. Sending love love love to Scot; hope you will too.

      Other than that we are trucking on. We spent a wonderful evening with Sean’s folks and brother talking well into the night. It is incredible how different our interactions with your parents are when you’re grown.  I love learning who your “real” parents are. Those people at some point didn’t have kids weren’t trying to make impressions on little ones. They were fun amazing young people. Who are now incredible fun older versions of their once younger selves.
      So off to Grandma’s we go here soon and I will post again soon.

Sunday, November 20, 2011


I talk a lot about just moving forward and not letting myself get stuck in the cancer. The stroke caught me off guard a lot. I had not expected it. I know that you would have thought that just having cancer would be a wake-up call. I think I may have got so used to having cancer that the risks fell by the way side and maybe it was so far that I let myself start to believe that I was safe again. Strange to think that a few short months ago we were counting down the days and somehow recently I have been forgetting those days were there at all. I am so thankful for the treatment that I am receiving even though the risks are VERY high as we have recently experienced. Every time my arm goes numb I am aware of just how dangerous it is.

I have been in a lot of physical pain lately. It seems to move through me in waves. Aches from my hips to my neck are a constant companion. It is just the radiation and the pills. (pills may be worse than the problem most of the time) If you have taken pain killers in your past than you too know how awful they can be. They may block one pain but they leave you with wet sheets from your body burning alive, stomach pains, and a head rush you can’t seem to shake for days.

But unlike many of my friends I am still here to complain. How do you get away from carrying the guilt for still be with the living while so many others are not.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Koda's family birthday party.

Sean re-vamping a "normal" box

This snowboard needs to go inside.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


Have you ever see
Deep in your sleep.
While everything is floating 
Between reality and fiction

Did you ever wonder
If those visions were true

You wake up suddenly 
still stuck in the in-between
Those feeling so fresh and true

Only to find reality hovering over you.
Not feeling so real at all.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


Some days you can forget you are sick. Some days you can see past it and then suddenly it hits you like a ton of bricks.
               I thought I had a seizure last night. All the sudden I am on the floor with a headache that won’t subside. My body aches and I can’t think straight. I feel dizzy and my words are not coming out right. It is almost like the words become stuck in my throat. They were just waiting to get out yet it just was not coming. I would tell my lips to move and suddenly I would notice that they weren’t under my control. That went for my hand and my left leg. It only lasted a few short hours but, I was terrified.
              You can imagine that Sean was terrified too. Yet, he holds himself together and never seems frazzled until later. He held my hand and cuddled up close until I started speaking clearly again. I know that he watched me sleep for a while before going to bed. Is it wrong that I feel bad that he is worried? I don’t want him to have to worry; Isn’t it enough that I am terrified.
                Well, I will just deliver the bad news. I had a mild stroke they believe. It won’t be confirmed until tomorrow.  I don’t know how to feel other than out of sorts. I have known it was a possible since the start. I just didn’t think we would come to this point. I don’t think I should be having strokes this young. FUCK  who has strokes? I didn’t think I would be the one.
             Sean’s world is up in arms too. Work is being crazy and re-organizing everyone. (p.s. this means some people won’t have jobs) Sean loves his team. I can see his internal struggle as work pushes and moves deadlines and cuts budgets. The stress that is living on his face makes me want to cry. What can I do? How do I support him? So, many questions that hopefully all lead away from me worrying about cancer and now strokes.
 I am still in Real Estate school not that I heard a thing they said today…
P.S. I miss Jim Reed today. I hope my shrink is enjoying retirement.

Sunday, November 6, 2011


Radiation and Real Estate.

                Sorry I have been so vacant lately. I have been in a Real Estate course all week; gearing back up to make some sales! The market here seems to be very different from the market that is all over the t.v. every day. Our market is growing and housing under 120k is going quick. The average house going on the market is only staying on the market for less than 30 days. So if you have a home in 120 range selling might not be a bad plan.
      I don’t talk about my childhood much but if you didn’t already know I grew up in Real Estate I think it is in my core. I have had a active Real Estate License since I was 18 and my parents owned a Real Estate company from the time I was 5. So, to say that I know this market may be understatement. I have seen it go through 20 years of changes and it is still changing. Growing up it all seemed very easy and now I look back on how often it was a struggle and forget that life as a Broker is hard work. I am grateful to my parents for their struggles and what they taught me.
      Real Estate is one of two things either emotional or practical. People are very strange when it comes to making large life purchases and sells. You are either an emotional seller or a numbers person. It goes the same way for buyers. Some fall in love and don’t even see the faults and other look close and see all of the faults. I am not sure if either is right but, I do know the non-emotional ones seem to be happier in the long term.
      I am looking forward to becoming more active again. I enjoy the hunt and the payout when a buyer buys their first home or their last home. I think that phycology and real estate go hand and hand.

Maybe all this will take my mind of cancer for a while.  It has been on my mind a lot lately. They have found a “new” tumor right outside my lower intestinal track. It is not a good looking on either. I am worried that we are taking chances by doing radiation instead of surgery. I fear that waiting is going to give it time to spread and grow but, I need to stay positive being in this trail has made me a ginny pig but, it has also saved my life.
      I have class again all week and rad in the morning before. So I may be tired later.


Halloween shots!

This is my personal favorite.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Guest Blogger David

I love Guest Bloggers! I have to admit I have guest blogged a few time on other blog but, I feel so flattered to have David want to share on my blog. This is amazing information Thanks for sharing David.

Helping Fight Cancer with Physical Fitness

If you are coping with cancer and all the treatments that come with it, staying fit might be the last thing on your mind. But keeping up with a physical fitness routine is something positive you can do to help your body fight the cancer. Feeling like you have some control over your body will help you stay strong enough to beat the cancer.

You often hear fitness promoted as a way to prevent cancer, and that's certainly the case. But more cancer treatment centers are incorporating fitness into the treatment program. What makes physical fitness so important to patients battling cancer?
Studies are showing that adding a regular exercise program, whether one is going through a common cancer like breast cancer or a rare disease like mesothelioma, during or after treatment for cancer has a number of physical and psychological benefits for patients. For instance, resistance training helps patients rebuild muscle tone and strengthen bones, two area of the body often negatively impacted by chemotherapy and radiation treatment. 

Doctors have started suggesting light exercise as a form of therapy in its own right. One study suggested that exercising for two and a half hours each week could actually decrease the chances of breast cancer recurring by 40 percent, and reduce the risk of death due to prostate cancer by 30 percent.

Some of the benefits of exercise for cancer patients include:

-- Fighting lymphedema and other swelling that can occur
-- Reducing weight gain during treatment
-- Retaining physical functioning
-- Reducing fatigue caused by chemotherapy

In addition to physical benefits, exercise lifts the mood, prevents depression, increases overall energy levels and improves the quality of life.

Before beginning an exercise program, it's important to consult with your doctor. In some circumstances, exercise is not a good choice, for example during the peak of treatment, some patients will simply be too ill to exercise, and that's okay. Additionally, patients with anemia should avoid exercise and those who have developed osteoporosis, nerve damage or bone cancers should avoid lifting heavy weights and strenuous exercise.

exercise choices for people who are going through cancer treatment include:

-- Water aerobics. The water gently supports the body and joints and the mild resistance is good for regaining muscle tone.
-- Yoga. Look for a gentle yoga program for beginners that focuses on stretching and flexibility and isn't overly athletic.
-- Walking. Walking outdoors in fresh air is a great pick-me-up, and the aerobic activity improves circulation and lung performance.