Tuesday, October 30, 2012
I have been getting the little things done which is NICE; I need the accomplishments right now. I need to feel like things are happening. Success is a great feeling and I crave it constantly these days.
Work has been hard with the lack of energy. I have been having trouble connecting to the world lately. My clients must feel that: I don't feel like conversation with the amount of stress that seems to be all over me.
The days roll on with out much news of cancer related things. The things I know are that I signed a paper stating I know I have had my life time amount of recommended radiation and that I plan on having much more. I often wonder if I could cook raw chicken before it hits my stomach due to the amount of radiation that is in my body.
I wonder if I am going die of something related to this crap... I would guess the probability is high...
Everything will be alright everyday is a day worth living and I am thankful to see my children grow into little REAL people. To see my relationship grow into an amazing story of love and commitment.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Fighting my food urges is hard right now. I feel like I should eat all the time even when I am not at all hungry. I need SOME kind of control. Juiced this morning though which is always AWESOME. Starting my day off right. I also had crab salad for lunch with a friends couldn't be happier about that. (lets not talk about the Halloween snack size crunch bar I ate too)
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Two full days of coffee and gasping. It is always a a great time. Well I am going to leave you with some pictures because honestly I want to nap with the little one.
Monday, October 15, 2012
We also took the whole family to a local pumpkin patch. It was a tad overpriced I thought. It cost us almost 90 dollars to get in the gates. They had a small jumping area, a petting zoo, and a play ground. We rode on a small hay ride out to a huge field that had a TON of pumpkins. Everyone picked out their pumpkins and when headed out. Another .30 a pound and we were on our way.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
|This smile and body coming back.|
I went through four dosage changes and three ad-on medications. One antidepressent, one ADHD med, and a anti anxiety med. Life changes happened and a lot of the stress went away but, I kept taking the meds because they gave me energy they also gave a emotional roller coaster. Sean starting talking about those ups and downs apparently the down all came on after he was at work. My attidude was half empty kind of concept. For a while maybe our lives were only half emtpy, things just kept happening kept getting worse.
Now those times have lifted but the way I view it has not. It has gotten so bad that I started marking negative comments down in my day planner and wow I am a lot more negative than I would like to be. Have I always been a powerful positive force in my own life and yet I have let myself get into a rut.
I AM GETTING OUT.
Part of getting out is going to be writing all this down. I am off all my meds and moving towards working out 5 days a week, less drugs, and more smiles. I am in the fake it until you make kind of mode. Staying aware will be my job. Every comment that comes out of my mouth I need to think about whether it makes me feel and look positive.
For the next thirty days I am moving forward and hopefully this awful habit that I am now.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
I know being absent should make the heart grow fonder, but honestly I have just been reading everyone else's blogs and not even commenting. I have found a soft spot for fluffy life style blogs. They are like no thought reading and have increased my wardrobe significantly. They have also given me hope for being more positive. I think you may have all noticed the negative Nancy hanging in my back corner for the last few months well I am on a mission to find a new coach. One that turns my glass upside down. We went to the coast for a few days for my birthday, our anniversary, and to spread Sean's dads ashes. That is another post. So onto my commitment... One post 6 days a week. Coming your way. life