Sunday, October 14, 2012

Truth and Love.

This smile and body coming back.
Is it taboo to talk about depression and meds? Well, you know what I am going to talk about it. I have struggled the last two years with depression. I began noticing that I liked to be in bed more than out. I felt like my fuse was short nonexistent. I was feeling like every day it was about getting through the day. Not yelling at the kids or hiding in the closet.

I went through four dosage changes and three ad-on medications. One antidepressent, one ADHD med, and a anti anxiety med. Life changes happened and a lot of the stress went away but, I kept taking the meds because they gave me energy they also gave a emotional roller coaster. Sean starting talking about those ups and downs apparently the down all  came on after he was at work. My attidude was half empty kind of concept. For a while maybe our lives were only half emtpy, things just kept happening kept getting worse.

Now those times have lifted but the way I view it has not. It has gotten so bad that I started marking negative comments down in my day planner and wow I am a lot more negative than I would like to be. Have I always been a powerful positive force in my own life and yet I have let myself get into a rut.


Part of getting out is going to be writing all this down. I am off all my meds and moving towards working out 5 days a week, less drugs, and more smiles. I am in the fake it until you make kind of mode. Staying aware will be my job. Every comment that comes out of my mouth I need to think about whether it makes me feel and look positive.

For the next thirty days I am moving forward and hopefully this awful habit that I am now.

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