Sunday, July 25, 2010

Finding new ground

I am amazed at the things you will do to feel better. I will make coffee, take a run, go outside, take a new drug, experiment with sex in the morning or at night. What in the world will make me have energy again? Well let me tell you whoever you may be.

WELBURTRAIN- stop smoking, and get rid of mild depression. I am unsure if I needed either of these. I went in complaining of fatigue left with a little piece of paper for some thing that was suppose to give me energy.
In fact folk it did. Maybe even a little too much. For I have now crashed lol.Three days of almost no sleep and feeling like I have been cloud surfing. I am suddenly happy and with energy. I don't know if I should be happy about it or not. I don't want to believe that I may need a drug to keep me up and moving every day however, I am willing to take this over the sleepy I don't want to go out side feeling of the last few months.  I have to say that I have felt less like myself than ever. I really am looking forward to going on a bike ride, or swinging on tree swing, laying in the pool with the kids in tow.  I miss being a part of everyday life and the way I had been feeling was making it impossible to feel like I was a part.
    It makes me sad that so many mothers these day life in a world confide by post pardon depression. Who are afraid to reach out for help. Who don't want anyone know that they are depressed because they think it mean they are failing. I am friends with so many who will admit in a quite please don't tell anyone voice that they are depressed but, are unwilling to seek help because it isn't that bad. I pray that they will find help before they become totally over taken by depression.
   I am trying to figure out a way to get involved any ideas?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sometimes the summer runs away with you.

The girls and I went and had our photos taken at the last minute last Wednesday! I love getting pictures taken however, I hate planning them so this worked out wonderfully. I was so happy that it turned out the way that it had.
  We went to a place called settlers park in the morning with some other friends. Settlers park is amazing, it has a splash park, and three different play areas. It is normally way overcrowded however, completely worth it. I love the way the kids interact there. I will take pictures tomorrow when we return with Angelina and her two girls.
   Then off to take pictures we went; my mother at the reins to get things done and done now. Koda washer   normal shy and unsure self.  Corbynn was all over the place. Smiling and posing like you have never seen a child pose. She was all about it and thought it was the best thing that ever happen to her. On the other hand koda didn't want to smile, pose, or laugh. She just wanted to stand there and have her smug look on her face. She wasn't into it at all. I think we got three great pictures out of her; two of which were only great because they showed so much of her anti personality. I get a kick out of how different my girls can be. I love them both so differently. Koda has so much of my introverted side that I worry about her ability to be out there but, I know she will figure it out.

 I decided to take a trip to eastern Idaho to Idaho Falls to visit some of my friends. It was our first road trip together since we started dating. It was a blast, we drove down Friday afternoon and made it all the way to Rexberg by 8pm. Met up with my best bud Demi and out we went. It was my first eastern Idaho bar experience and more than likely my last. Not the normal bar experience, sometimes I think that in town that our so one sided in view the people that don't have those views end up off the deep end. I know that you have extremest everywhere but, this was a little more extreme than I would like to experience.  Saturday we slept in and ran around in Idaho Falls with some one I used to work with in Boise center. She has only been up there a few weeks so it was wonderful to get to spend time with her.  Sunday I slept most of the day and then got ready to head back to Boise.