strolling down memory lane

The girls and I camping!

Koda when she was little

Koda attacking herself with the hose.

Eli when he was two.. How cute is that?

Got to love days when you can meander around memory lane.

Summer time and the living is easy

This is my gnome. (for those of you who don't know I love gnomes) Thanks mom

I have a rose

My wonderful barrel plants.

All the sudden my flowers just came to life. A couple days of sun and they are very happy little flowers. I have always wanted a green thumb and it looks like this year might be my year. HURRAY.

Strep..

     So, the last week has been insane! One kid after another getting sick and then giving it to the next. Eli ran a fever for a entire week before he was taken in to get checked. Then Corbynn got it out of no where! So every one had some aliment that was forcing me to be under water.  It was a difficult week to say the least so sorry for the delay on a couple post that were in mix while my week unfolded into fevers, chills, and coughs coming from every direction.
     Seeing all the kids sick is hard. I hate feeling helpless waiting for antibiotics to kick in. Waiting for their hard core coughs to subside and the little smiles to return. Summer sickness is the worst all the neighborhood kids playing and our little ones stuck inside running fevers, wrapped in blankets, watching movies while their friends run in sprinklers. 
     I would load some pictures but, the picture loader is not working. sad.

A little more every day

A little more hair! A little more smile!

Same awesome Shoes!

Same Mr. Jones...that is nice!

The mommy Myths..

For those of you who stay home or have stayed home at one point in time you will recognize the mommy myths.  

 First, the look when you tell some one you stay home... The ahh you don't work look...  You feel the need to bring up every past job you have ever had and how soon you will be back to work.

2. That you have nothing to do all day. That somehow you raise kids from your couch and never do but "maybe" fold some laundry. 

3. That you have no hope of regaining a career and you are just wasting your time to watch a soap show.

4. You must have lost your mind and you figured it would be more sane to stay home


5. After you lost your mind I am positive that you suddenly become stupid. 


6. That you are not professional anymore.


7. I believe that these people think their children never talk or scream or wreck anything all day while they are at work. 


 8. I must have all the time in the world to get to the gym or to the grocery store.


Okay this is all I can think of right at this moment but let me tell you go fuck off politely. My life is more cramped for time now than ever. Between starting a new company, becoming a full time gardener, cook, laundry, friend-herder and what ever else in between. Seriously though, I never thought I would feel more belittled and never thought I would be this overwhelmed. I have more to do in a day then I have ever had and I don't believe that that load is going to get any lighter anytime soon.

I am gaining back my freshman fifteen some how... Some one help me... YUCK.  I feel bloated  and my pants are fitting a little tight. I am not taking the fat pants out... So, no booze this week and NO snacking, more water, and less carbs. I hate busting out the old diet plan but, gotta do what ya gotta do. 

Cancer is going well enough. I am taking a little break from rad but,  we will be up and going again soon. The results come back from my PET scan and they didn't look bad but, they weren't awesome either. I am still seeing some new growth but, the tumors we are hitting seem to be responding. 

 

Officially opening our doors!

   As of Monday Obray and Company Real estate is re-opening it's door's! I can't tell you how excited I am. For those of you who don't know I grew up in real-estate. My parents opened a real estate company when I was six and that is how I grew up. I spent most of my childhood in the office looking at real estate prices and figuring out what a mortgage loan would be a month.  I had my license as soon as I could get it and I was off. I moved away soon after and then my father went into retirement.
    Five years later I miss it. I miss handing people their first set of keys or working with investors. I enjoyed the thrill of finding the "RIGHT" home or piece of ground. I loved every second of it. Even though the market has fallen I have always had a nack for property and people.
   So I have brought my dad out of retirement to show me the ropes and hopefully this will be a new start!

Pretty stoked that so many new adventures seem to be entering my life.

Take me to a secret place; where everything sparkles, where everything is just that different.

Take me to a place where people fly, where the world is not the same.

 Take me to a place where life begins with a smile and ends with a laugh.

 Find me where no one else will be. In the light far away from this feeling that strangles my voice.

 Recreate a passion that no longer knocks at my door.

.

 Find a way to push my fear away and create that stronger person that I feel inside.

Dear Jon,

Writing from Portland

        Jon,

          I have contemplated writing this letter for a few days; then realized that the only thing that I was waiting for was a chance to say it.

        I am thankful that you are my neighbor. I am thankful that I have had the chance to become a neighbor. I am thankful that I can knock on your door to say hello. I am just thankful.

   I have spent the last four years being mostly alone in my cancer... By choice even though I have shared my story with thousands. For some reaosn when I met you I felt connected to your warm wave weeks before we met. I have never questikoned my want to chat or even thought twice about walking over just to talk. You seem to always appear out of thin air when my days are bad.... I am sure you would never notice and if you did you would never say you had.
       
       The last year has been hard for me. I have moved forward with a relationship that I never thought I was going to have the opportunity to have. I have taken so many steps out of my comfort zone to get to where I am today. Yet, you have been a constant reminder that someone can support you and be with you when things aren't perfect. I look at your incredible wife and notice how grateful she is for ever day that you two get to spend together even though the future is grim. My future is grim too but, I have ruun away from so many solid people in my life not understanding how to share the pain of my cancer with another person.

     I want you to know that you have been a silent reminder that it can work. That love is worth the way more than going it alone is. Thank you for your inspiration along my journey. I cannot tell you how thankful I am.

                                                                                                                            Kayla.

Mike

Today is one of those days that I tend to try and let slip by without remember the past. Today it did not work as planned. I found myself on edge and cranky for most of the day. I spent most of the day trying to figure out why I was on edge.

      I have taken some big blows over the years. Some that I cannot even begin to understand or explain how I came back from them. I try not to remember them every day but, today I remember.

     I lost Mike almost nine years ago. His death was the beginning to a tornado of changes in my life. Mike's suicide wrecked havoc on my life. I found Mike in our house... I still don't know how to write about what I saw that day. The amount of shock I went through might have a lot to do with that.

    Mike was incredible. He had a light around him like non that I had seen before or after his death. We spent a lot of time together over the course of his last year.  I don't know how many lesson I learned by knowing Mike. Some were great some were not so great.

          I started writing this three days ago after randomly working on my Mike tattoo... Then last night suddenly I found a facebook page in his honor. I hadn't planned on posting but, I think it is only right to say how much I miss him and thank him for all the life lessons.