5/25/12

Relationships are just hard. There are days when nothing goes well. You just can't speak. Nothing you say is heard. Times when things are not on the same line. When nothing seems to be making a difference. No matter how hard you try.

Out here in blog land we tend not to talk about the hard stuff. The stuff that makes you cry and yell.

Today was just one of those days or maybe I should say weeks. It just hurts. Stress levels are running high which makes home hard. Today I feel like no matter what I do that I don't do it enough. No matter how hard I try, it may not be enough. That I just can't seem to do enough to make him proud. I don't work hard enough or make enough. Today I feel very small. Like an ant that you could come across and just step on. You may not even notice that you have crushed me. You may just be there unknowingly walking and crush me. that is how today is. Today I feel like I am not enough. Today I am not good enough. It hurts my heart down deep where no one sees. Today is that day. The day where we fight. We remember just how hard complicated marriage is. How hard it is to be two instead of one.

 How in awe of those who do it smoothly. Those that have been married for ever. Those are the ones that I want to run to. The ones that I want to hold me close and tell me that the truth about marriage is just that compromise and love go along way. I know these things already but, being around a person who does these things every day is different. The way they say it is different; it comes from the experience of many fights.