Smells like...

I had three radiations this over the last few weeks due to us trying to attack a tumor that wants to eat my spine.  Does that not sound great?
    Have you ever walked into a radiation lounge? Before the doors even open you are hit with this smell that can penetrate your entire body with a vengeance that you did not even know was possible. It is a personal assult on on every sense that you have. You are first overwhelmed by smell, then by color because it is like running into a five year old painting. Rainbow splattered everywhere gigantic walls of yellow, blue and of course pink; they truly believe you will suddenly you will feel better just at the site of it.  Which on its own is a form of adult abuse not to mention it does not take care of how the reality is still the same. You still have cancer and you still have to be microwaved to a provocative color of red and or maybe just a rash.
   I have to admit that is not where I thought I would be again. I had allowed myself to fall into a place where I could just be. I could just ignore the facts of my conditions. I could settle with death because I had created this place where I no longer had to have cancer. I had found a way to avoid thinking about it dealing with it being cancer. I could just take a play at being healthy, there were days where I did not consider the seizures even cancer related. I had found my own personal play ground.... My life. Because is that not what life is suppose to be? Is that not what every one else get to receive? A playground of dreams, ambitions, loves that do not come with the contingency of doctors appointments, missing memories, and of course cancer guilt. Can not forget cancer guilt. Because when you are doing a activity that some one else thinks is not a good thing to be doing because it is dangerous to your health. You get cancer guilt because you are really not well enough to do a lot of things however doing them is what makes life. All of this made it a lot easier to just sit on the back burner and wait for things to happen to me.  When doctors say you have months to live and you live on another year while they look at you and say again you have a few months to go.... It is crazy when the world is against you. You can watch your self turn inside out and then settle in just letting go.
       So once again... I am trying to beat the realities of this and fight a little longer.

I am loving the "POSSIBLE" side effects of radiation.
The side effects of radiation therapy to the brain or neck may not occur until two weeks after the start of your therapy. Some people experience hair loss but the amount varies from person to person. Hair usually grows back once therapy is finished.
The second most frequently reported side effect is a skin irritation. The skin around your ears and scalp may become dry, itchy, red or tender. It is important not to attempt to treat this side effect on your own, but rather to seek medical treatment as soon as it occurs. Fatigue is another possible side effect of radiation therapy. The best way to fight fatigue is to make sure to get adequate rest, eat a healthy diet, and rely on friends and family for support. Your normal energy levels should return about six weeks after you finish your therapy.
Edema, or swelling of the brain, is also prevalent among individuals undergoing radiation therapy to the brain. If you experience a headache or a feeling of pressure, report your symptoms to your oncologist. You may be prescribed medications to help reduce brain swelling, seizures or to control pain. When chemotherapy and radiation therapy are given at the same time, patients may experience more severe side effects. Your doctor can suggest ways to ease these uncomfortable symptoms.
Other possible side effects include:

• hearing problems
• nausea
• vomiting
• loss of appetite
• memory or speech problems
• headaches

What are some of the possible risks or complications?

Radiation is a powerful weapon against cancer cells, but sometimes it kills healthy brain tissue as well—a severe side effect called radiation necrosis. Necrosis (a late effect of high doses of radiation) can cause headaches, seizures, or even death in a small number of cases. This can occur six months to a few years after treatment. However, the risk of necrosis has declined in recent years with the advent of the newer, targeted radiation therapies described above and the emergence of powerful imaging, brain mapping, and information technologies.
Other complications include:

• neurologic losses
• return of tumor growth

Just a FYI in the last week I have heard of three of us having Seizures after Rad... Possible or Probable?
Thought you may enjoying looking at my tumors!!!