Wednesday, November 24, 2010
A way of speech.
As things have change through out my life. I have began to understand that a back story is in order
at some point during any story so today you all get the speech. Mostly because I do not think I have told it.
My name is Kayla O. and I was diagnosed with Cancer on May 5, 2006 at 3pm; one month after having my second child. The shock was overwhelming completely disarming. I was once again amazed at what can change in seconds. My life took a turn that I would never forget that day it was awful change that reworked my entire life. I was a 21 year old girl with two very small children at home and a divorce on the rise. You can only imagine how heartbreaking this news was.
The days passed in a bitter daze. I was to afraid to even say the word cancer let alone talk to my family about it. So over a week passed with out a word from me. I sat in silence wondering how I was going to manage my life. Was I going to die? Was it going to be awful? would I beat it on the first round? I did not even know what I had yet I was wondering everything under the sun.
I was diagnosed with uterine cancer on May 24 2006. I went under surgery the following day, they burned the inside of my uterus and started radiation the next day. After a couple months of feeling good about my cancer and being cleared of all worries. I was sent home to feel wonderful forever; this was not the case though. I started having dizzy spells, stomach problems, and headaches that I ignored and ignored. It did not take long before my stomach hurt so bad that I ended up back in the hospital. They found 38 tumors across my body. It took two months to figure out what was really going on. Two months that I found myself in tears every day, wondering what the hell was happening to my body. After three different hospitals we found out I had STS. Soft Tissue Sarcomas. It also came with a sentence that I was not ready for.... This is terminal; there is no hope for complete cure. Let that sink in for a moment... Imagine holding your not yet 6 month old child in your arms while your 2 year old runs around the room and you hear those words. The divorce papers are signed and now I am alone with two small children, divorced, and terminal. I did not think it could ever be this bad. I moved to Salt Lake in September of 2006 for treatment at Huntsman's followed by a intestinal, facial, breast, stomach cavity surgeries. One after the other followed by weeks of radiation... I was so tired I couldn't moved and was still attempting to parent. Going on and off liquid diets, no food, some food, 200 hundred oz. of water a day to no water. It was insane, unbelievable and totally not controlled.
Years past with out much change until September of 2009 when I moved back to Idaho to be closer to my family. I thought I was done with surgeries and radiation; after finding a brain tumor and a neck tumor that could not be removed. I had lost hope in most things my self, my friends, life. Things happen all the time that you can not explain. That the universe does not give you answers for, that there really is no hint of what is happening other than it just is. I am sure I have said it a million times but again I am thankful for my cancer. Everyday it changes me into a person where I can be in this moment not in the next, that I can look beyond what most people see when I see a person. I have learned that it is not wrong to love everyone you meet and saying it does not make you a bad person. I have learned that I love to cuddle everything I can cuddle. I want to lay my head down in someones lap and look into their eyes and tell them how wonderful life can be. Cancer gave me a lot... Even as it takes away my life it is still giving me a better one.