Thursday, May 20, 2010

Lifes little things.

I am struggling to hold on to reality. The feelings of sickness wave over me today. I am still struggling to hold it together at work. I am falling short at work but, it is really hard to keep it together when your body is screaming at you. I am sure that this will too pass soon. I know my body will begin to overpower the drugs and I will feel better. My skin burns and then tingles and my bones just feel frail today. I am glad that I won't be losing any hair however I do just feel like it would be better if my hair did fall out; then it wouldn't be such a pain in my butt.
I let it all out today, I gave in and stopped trying to feel in control. I just let it all go. I said everything that I could possible say to make a impression. I cried out every frustration I could have had. I cried for my kids, myself, my mother, Bryan, My brother. I let go of so much pain. I could feel it rushing out of me with ever tear. I had no idea what a sense of personal peace it would bring. I felt relaxed after more relaxed than I have felt in months. I felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from me. A lot of feelings I had been harboring inside left me. I am at peace with my thoughts.

I saw something today that made my day. It made me feel like a was soaring above the world and it didn't even happen to me. I was walking down a street in the down town block of good old boise idaho and ahead of me was a Mother and her child. I am guess the child was around 4 maybe five in a pink dress, red tights and some tennis shoes. I know for a fact that that little girl found her own clothes this morning and that her more than fab mother was not so happy about the choice. However the way this mother was staring at her child was awe inspiring. It made my heart bounce. I saw the light in her eyes as she took everything in that was her child. The way she moved and laughed with her on her hip. The child almost as big as her. I was proud.... Once again proud to be human. Proud to know that we are here still loving our world. She was a sight to be seen. Mother in absolute LOVE with child.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring to me. I pray tonight that it will be enough to keep my smile. I am sure that it will be. It will once again light up my heart with love for this life.

Thought of the day: How long does it take for you to go outside in the morning?
I only ask this because this morning I saw a amazing thing.... The sun rise.

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