12/1/2011

Putting on the “big” girl panties

          I am putting on the “big” girl panties and going to work. I have said this many times but, I don’t know if I was thinking of it the way I think of it now. I have always been under the impression that it meant get it done whether you like it or not. Well, I don’t think that is what it means to me anymore.

          As Sean and I are looking forward in every way possible our lives keep throwing curve balls from every direction. Between work, cancer, three kids, and a couple dogs I did not know that any more could come our way. Well prepare to be wrong because we almost always are. With Scot still in ICU on a breathing tube our lives are on hold. Day by day waiting for word on health improvements and setbacks. It is incredible how your own troubles can be brushed aside while carefully considering others.

          Even while we are living day by day waiting for information we have to start thinking of the long term for Scot. What we know is that 90% of patients that make it out of brain aneurism surgery need rehab. Normally three to six months of intense rehab. He is going to need a lot of help through this. Scot doesn’t have a lot of help in SLC so, Sean and I have decided that if he needs rehab he will be coming here to our home to do it. The chances are high that this in fact will happen. Hopefully when Scot can talk for himself things will become a lot clearer. This will be a hard road to walk but, who better to understand than us? We have been through strokes, seizures, headaches, lost memories; so this is no new chicken wing.

          I was standing in the ICU unit talking to the case manager and head nurse watching Sean look at his friend with such intense love. The kind of love you have for your child. He was listening to us as we were discussing what may be to come. They were talking about sending Scot to Texas (where his family is), full time live in rehab in Salt Lake and much more.  You could see Sean staring into Scot’s eyes wishing for another option.  That is when I knew, this is what we do for the ones our loved ones love. We stand up tall and take a step. I looked at the case manager and just decided that Scot’s place was with us. I have never seen Sean look at me with such love as when he realized I was serious and want to take Scot to Idaho when he is released from the hospital.  I love Sean so much that if Scot needs us than I am here to support him. I am here to help him and I will stand up as tall as I can with my “big” girl panties on and keep on giving out my heart. May be this is when you realize that growing up means a lot more than getting old.

          Our lives are complicated as is but, look around you… Whose is not?  Sean and I are stronger than we have ever been. This is one more adventure to make us stronger.

Looking to my Buddha’s for inspiration today and he gave me what I needed. 

See no evil

Hear no evil

Speak no evil

          Our world is a humbling place. The weeks I spend complaining about my own body failings are overshadowed in a split second by another in mere minutes.

Good night Scot. Sleep well.