I find myself with my feeling hurt tonight. I know that their is no way that he could have known that I would be hurt. Nor that he could have known how important it was to me. I understand that I need to breathe and just let it pass because it is no ones fault but my own that I am upset.
We passed a very small milestone in our relationship recently and even though you would not normally celebrate for it... well a lot of couples do but, for most it is just one day along the way to many more. For me though it is a lot more. I was never suppose to see this year let alone another relationship. I was never suppose to experience this milestone again. I was suppose to be six feet under and yet here I am the happiest I could ever be. I felt it was a huge milestone to me. I never mentioned it or thought to plan anything yet I felt forgotten when the day came and passed.
Today, I feel hurt and sad even though I know it is my own fault. As Sean has a most needed night out with the guys I am home feeling let down. I know dumb girls right? I don't know what I wanted. I am not sure if it would have changed this strange feeling but, I am just in a place where celebrating my life with some one is a dream that I never thought I would get. I know this won't be a fairy tale I am not naive by any standard even though this feeling is due to that fairy tale.
At least I know that I am unfairly upset at Sean. That should help the feeling pass. I think being home with the kids 24/7 makes my a little crazy. I know that I wanted to stay home and actually RAISE my children . Not let someone else but, I give it to you stay at home moms hand down.. It is hard, I don't think anyone realizes how hard it is. I used to stay home a lot but I only had 50/50 custody now that I have more custody and more kids wow... I understand.
When this was your motto for five years how do you deal with stress, being disappointed, overwhelmed, and just plain not so sure?
As a SAHM (I feel so special that I get my own abbreviation), you feel like climbing the walls, a lot. To remain sane there are things that can be done, and you did mention the social support. There's also putting meaning into little things. Sounds weird, but I have a set time I take my youngest to the library and we don't go otherwise. Odd? Yup, but that way I can look for to it, and so can she. While we're there we try to make the most of it. Sometimes we crave more structure than the home allows, oddly enough. Yeah, we can mope around all day or we can over schedule and stress, but for happy times I find the middle ground pretty good. I have to mentally remind myself that I need to slow down often and notice that my daughter's pace is really slow, but she's really experiencing something, and why shouldn't I join her? Make a list of some of your favorite childhood activities - the small ones. Flying a kite, making handprints on paper, beading cereal on shoestring... whatever. Then make one, and only one, a goal for the day to share. Sometimes I get by just by doing one simple thing and letting that be my mantra. Other days that are hectic, full, and we all need a nap, I just let us be the cranky crabby people we feel we are, and I give my bed an extra hug before I fall asleep.
ReplyDeleteOh, and about the male. Men will do what they have to do; women have to tell them to do the rest. So if he didn't catch on that there was something he was supposed to be doing, you might have to clue him in. Most of the time they don't even realize that you had that expectation, and then don't know why you're upset about it.
Don't try to train yourself to not feel upset. Have the feeling and don't feel guilty about having it. It's what you DO about your feelings that matters, not whether or not you feel that way.