Monday, March 7, 2011
I took a little break from blogging over the last few weeks. It was time to live a little more and write less:
It has not been a easy couple weeks. I have had writers block nothing was falling on the page. I tried many times to sit down and write but, nothing came and what did was nothing below the surface.
We have been busy my parents moved to Eagle to be closer to the girls and I. It is amazing how much stuff you can collect in 35 years of marriage. My parents are no exception it took days to sift through all of their stuff. My mother is amazing though and had almost everything packed in boxes by moving day. My father, mother and I moved everything out in two days. Sean helped unload a couple loads but, was stuck at work for most of the hard work. I have to say moving fridges is not the way I want to spend another day for a LONG time.
It was hard leaving that house. I have spent so many years with that being home. My place to run when things are bad, my childhood home. I was not sure if I was going to be sad or relieved that it was no longer home. It was both. I felt relieved that I could release many hard memories from my past and saddened that I would no longer make memories there. That home has been mine for so long. I lived there through a husband, boyfriend, single days, motherhood, sickness. It is strange how much energy you put into a home. Even though it never truly felt like home. My parents were so broken when the purchased it, and are still broken now. Maybe that is why I do not cry for the house; because it was never a home.
Sean and I took a small vacation over the weekend to go snowboarding in Salt Lake City. It turned into a disaster however, my new boots ended up not fitting. They hurt so badly I wanted to cry for my poor bruised feet. We 124 dollars on lift passes for 3 runs... TOTAL FAIL...
We decieded to go out to a fancy dinner Friday night to bad that the WONDERFUL very expensive French food was deadly. Step two horrible horrible food poisoning . SERIOUSLY??? not now. I could go more than twenty feet away from a bathroom from there on out. If this wasn't enough...
Sean got some devastating family news from his estranged father. It took the air out of my lungs and for sent me into a panic. Sean was calm, well in shock and I completely broke down, I couldn't breathe, I wanted to scream, I was shaking. I am unsure if it was for Sean, for me, or just from stress. It felt as if the world was just going to continue to pile it on. Maybe the world is binding Sean and I so close that we will never fall apart. Or maybe this is just life curve balls in all. I know that Sean and I are stronger for every one that we make it through and that I am thankful for them still. We will have a lot of decisions to make over the next few weeks. Emotions to sort through as we go to Portland and see Sean's father who he hasn't seen in a decade. I am worried for Sean but, looking forward to him been able to close up some long loose ends.
As for me... My hair is growing. My stress is high, My cancer is on a second burner until later. For now I am rock in a storm for someone that has been my rock through many storms.