Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Do you ever use fear as a crutch?  I find myself using fear as a way not to live my life. Do you ever hear your self saying.

I am not ready?
I might fall.
They might reject me.
what would the neighbors think?
I am afraid to tell my Husband/wife?
I might get hurt.
I may have to change
It might cost me money.
I would rather die first.
I don't want anyone to know I have a problem.
I am afraid to express my true feelings.
Don't want to talk about it.
I don't have the energy.
Who knows where I might end up?
I may lose my freedom.
I don't have enough money now.
It's to hard to do.
I might hurt myself.
I might lose friends.
I don't trust anyone.
It might hurt my image.
I might die before I am done.

I know that I have let my fear of dying control my fear of living. I have let my fear of failing stop me from pursuing most of my dreams. I know that my self doubt has cost me my confidence. I know that my fear of god has led to my struggles with love, religion, church, men, and most of all myself.  I am choosing not to let fear take charge of my life. I am who I am I shall not fear who I may become if I try to be me. 

I am making room for the new in my life with that; the old has to go. All the spiderwebs in the corners of my rooms have to go. I need to let go of all the pain in order to make room for the new and improved. I have been letting go of all the things that I have been holding on to, in order to hold my life back in my hands again. I have lost something, I am going to find it; I PROMISE.  I have been keeping people in my life that weren't here for me and were just pieces of memories that I still wanted to hold on to. It wasn't that any of them were really friends; they were all just pieces of a life that happened to be mine. Not letting go of the past keeps me from moving forward with now. I have been using the past and people from my past to keep me in this never ending state of nothing. I haven't let myself grow in years; the fear of who I would be was too much. I want to see the change that I know I am capable of.

A positive affirmation came to me today.  Some days I forget there is such a thing as positive growth.  Here ya go.
In the infinity of life where I am,
all is perfect, whole and complete,
Change is the natural law of my life,
I welcome change, I am willing to change.
I choose to change the words I use.
I move from the old to the new with ease and with joy.
It is easier for me to forgive than I thought,
Forgiving makes me feel free and light. I it is with joy
that I learn to love myself more and more. The more resentment I release, the more love I have to express.
Changing my thoughts makes me feel good.
I am learning to choose to make today a pleasure to experience.
I am one with my creator today. All is well in my world.

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