Sunday, June 20, 2010


Welcome to fathers day! I have to admit that I deeply enjoy fathers day. I am very connected to my father in so many ways. Even though we don't talk very much, he is always there if I need him. Mostly we have just never had anything in common on the surface. I was his last child and only girl and he was 41 when I was born. By then his hearing was already going to gone. (mostly just his ability to hear my voice however)
I was raised by a man who loved to make people laugh. I can't remember a time when he wasn't trying to make some one laugh. Deans laugh can be heard from miles away. When he laughs it rumbles from is heart right on out, I have to say I haven't heard it near enough as of lately though.
My father would do anything for anyone. He is the most giving man I know. I can't explain to you how many people we helped over the years. I am amazed at his ability to give with out wanting anything in return. He was always willing to go rewire someones house for free or pasture an animal for nothing for at all. I can remember people living with us for years at time even though my parents were struggling.

I didn't know my dad growing up very well. He wasnt a large part of my youth. he worked a lot to support our family. He wasn't always the perfect father; I know that lots of things went wrong in my childhood. He was trying though. I know that he always thought he had my best at heart. I know that he never tried to hurt us. I know he tried to lead our family in the best direction that he could for a long time. I know that sometimes that isn't how it worked out.

I don't know why sometimes it hard for me to say what I am trying to get out. Why is that sometimes the words just flow from you like water from a well and sometimes it is like pulling water from a cactus.

My father quit drinking again about three weeks ago. This is the first time I have seen him actively trying to better his life in a long time. I am anxious to see how long this lasts. If he has enough faith in himself to make this commitment to his life. I personally know that quiting something you love is really hard. It is hard to leave something behind that has been such a crutch to you over the years. I am proud of him today. I can tell you I don't have very many sober memories of the man that I call Dad. He was pretty drunk for a long time. I didn't know it then but, I don't think I saw him with out beerfor almost 12 years. It is hard to imagine what kind of toll that has taken on his body not to mention his spirit. He used to be a very active member in the LDS community but, left when I was a child. I believe that is when he started drinking; I am not for sure of that though. I don't want you to get this wrong however; my childhood was pretty smooth sailing. I didn't know much of what happened behind those closed doors. I didn't realize a lot untill about six years ago when stuff started making sense.

My father IS a great man who has been through a lot and I am proud he is my father. I couldn't have asked for a different father. He is the man that created me and cared for me. He may not be perfect but, he is my dad and I couldn't have done anything with out him. He taught me a lot through his struggles and his successes. He had a lot of both just like me. My dad is such a soft soul and I adore everything about his.

I Love you Daddy

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