A couple of months ago my good friend posted this picture. Over the last couple weeks when things got hard I kept looking at this picture giggling to myself... Thanks Amanda.
One of the many possible side effects of radiation and multiple seizures happens to be slight personality changes. This is one of the many side effects that you read on a 20 page disclaimer it is also the one that you don't take into much account until you experience it. I will give you an example of this did you ever notice that must medications have anal leakage as a "possible" effect. You don't pay much notice to that but, if you experienced anal leakage you may think twice when looking at that side effect list.
Over the last few weeks I have noticed little things that have been different. Not feeling confident, feeling judged, being angry over nothing seem to be some of the changes that I have been experiencing. Today I had a seizure while taking a nap; when I awoke I was terrified. I wasn't sure what had happened, where I was, or if I had been dreaming or not. It took almost twenty minutes of being what felt like a out of body experience to pull myself together. It has been hard to admit to myself that yes there are moments during the day that I do NOT feel like myself. I have thoughts that do not feel like my own. It is hard to justify my thoughts when I am not sure where they are coming from. YUCKY, let me tell you that is how it feels.
My day went well other than the above incident. I got in a couple good naps, played with Corbynn, and got some blogging done. My mom also came over to help me out today. She painted my kitchen and played Grandma for most of the day until Sean got home. Sean cooked a great dinner; chicken, potato's, and french bread. (I secretly love it when Sean cooks because his food is better than mine.)
The girls have been a little off in the evenings lately. Near the crashing point at any point after 6. Starting to wonder if they are not getting enough sleep. What do you think is the right time for bed when you are 6? Someone please give up some advice. She is going to bed at about 8 and waking up at 7 ish???
Well there ya go my day in a nut shell. Now it is time to cozzy up with my wonderful man and play some little big planet.
Love and light my friends.
I have spent some time looking through your blog and I am sorry to see that you have been through so much and you are still very young with small children. I moan like mad but at least this Big C didn't materialise before I was 67.
ReplyDeleteI am determined to see my granddaughters through till at least secondary school. I set myself small goals. When I first heard I had cancer, I was in shock and thought maybe I could go 6 more months. Then I extended it a bit and that is what I am doing.I now need to get to 70 or I feel I will have been cheated.
I think you are a very brave lady. Keep trekking..... you have the right attitude.
As regards bedtime at 6yrs. My grandchildren aged 6 & 8 tend to go too late but I think 8pm is sensible and getting up at 7am seems very reasonable.
Thanks for popping over to my blog.
Maggie X
Nuts in May