Walking Cancer Bomb

Breathe 

Why are there moments when you can't seem to even pull air into your lungs? Everything starts moving fast around you. There is nothing to hold onto and then it hits; everything tumbles to the ground.  The last pin was laid in the hay stack and you couldn't stop it. That is what happen tonight. 

Isn't she cute?

  My four almost five year old is going through one of those awful stages you hear other parents talk about. The ones that you hope and pray never come into your household. Corbynn has decided that talking back is okay. She is always trying to argue her point. No matter what it is her word has got to be the last word. I know this didn't just magically happen over night. It has been MONTHS in the making. I have been watching horrified from across the table as my child has decided that she has to have a word in EVERYTHING.  She talks over who ever is talking, she interrupts, she straight out told me I was wrong.  Corbynn is driving me up a wall with all of this "I know mom", "I don't want to", "That's not right" HELP!!!! I don't know what to do with her. I tried sitting down and explaining it to her. I tried punishing her; it is like she doesn't understand that it is wrong to talk to adults that way. She becomes very upset and cries until she sends her self into a asthma attach.  Anyone have a suggestion for my cute but very mouthy child?

I may be stuck in bed but, we still have fun here!

    I am sure that part of the reason why I am reacting so badly to it today is that my patience level is very low. I have had a headache for almost three days now that I believe my be slowly rotting out my eyeballs.  Then aunt flow came to town for the first time in six months... so now I have Passive Man hating Syndrome on top of radioactive tendency syndrome. These don't add up to happy fun mom... At moments today I just lost it crying over the lack of diet tonic water. I know sad, I couldn't even have my normal drink to calm myself. I opened the fridge, looked frantically then cried.  Sean has been looking at me like I absolutely lost it. Maybe he's right and I have. 

   I made a chocolate bunt cake this morning for dessert tonight. It turns out I love to bake. How it took me twenty some odd years to figure this out is beyond me. I have really been enjoying the kitchen lately. There is comfort cooking even when I don't want to eat it. I made a roast and rice too. I am loving this... Anyone know where to get some amazing cooking classes? I must learn how to make a amazing crunchy apple pie and the crust eludes me.

   There was a freshness in the air that I had not felt in a long time tonight. After feeling so bottled up with emotions I went out side to find a place where I was not so confined. The air felt different on my skin. New almost. It maybe the drugs or maybe there is a change in me. They said I may experience change in my emotions, senses, or speech. Maybe I am seeing a change deep within me. What else may come?  The world is open for the taking. 

   These days are worth it because at the end of it I go to bed with the most wonderful man who makes me feel beautiful even like this.  I wake up with three amazing kids running around the house. I am blessed.