Monday, January 10, 2011
My youngest child has a way of out shinning anything in the room. Corbynn is the "sun" in our home whether we like it or not. For the most part our world revolves around her. It can either be wonderful or absolutely horrible. Depending on if the "red head" is involved.
When Corbynn was born everyone knew she was going to be a hand full. She came into this world with a lot on her little mind. Corbynn was 6 to 8 weeks early as far as they cold tell. She spent her first two weeks in ICU because she was breathing at a incredible 130 breaths a minute. They doctors waited and waited thinking she would become weak from breathing so hard. They believed they would have to stick a tube in her to help her breathe. Corbynn never did give up she fought her battle and won. She was 4lbs and LOUD. That has never really stopped. She has always wanted to have a say in what is happening around her.
We have always been stopped in stores by people wanting to talk about her amazing red hair or her contagious smile. Everyone has always said she should be a child model and if it wasn't for her red head attitude she may have been able to do that.
I am always amazed by how smart she has become. She has grown up so much over the last few months. I always saw her as my baby. I never wanted her to grow up. She was and will always be my baby. I feel connected to her in ways that I can not even explain. She has so much of my personality built into her. Corbynns reactions are so much like mine pure emotion. She is EMOTION. She cried last night at dinner because she did not know what we were having and ran away from the dinner table because it didn't look good. When she is happy you can't miss it. Corbynn shows her love in ways that are truly hers. Offering her prized stuffed animals while you are sick.
I have spent the last two years fighting life. I haven't been able to commit mentally to my little ones. I carry many guilt's over this. I spent the last year trying to experience my life. Seeing new things meeting new people. Preparing for my final days. I was gone a lot trying to find myself before I was no more. I learned a lot about myself this summer. I learned about who I wanted to be for the rest of my life. I wanted to be a amazing parent to my children. I wanted my legacy to live through their action; I had to find a way to help them understand me. I set out to spend as much time as possible with the girls and I found out that they are what makes me a better person. I am learning to teach by example and I will continue to make myself better for my children.